E203 - To Eat or Not to Eat: Decisions that Feel Good

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- Hey, and welcome to the Mindful Balance Podcast,

your guide to stop emotional eating and overeating

and transform your relationship with food.

I am Rachel, a nutrition and emotional eating coach,

and I'm here to help women like you navigate

through the complex world of eating habits,

health, mindset, and emotional wellbeing.

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I hope that each episode here will be a step on your journey

towards a healthier you by shedding light

on different aspects of nutrition and emotional eating.

I am here to take out the overwhelm

or the need for quick fixes

by showing you how it can be done differently.

Whether you are just starting out

or looking to deepen your understanding,

you're in the right place.

And if you're ready, let's dive in.

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Hey, and welcome back to the podcast.

Today, we're talking about navigating social events

and weekends, or really any situation

where you feel like eating something

that you didn't plan on eating,

or maybe just have this impulse to go eat something.

If you have ever found yourself at a birthday party,

let's say with a plate in one hand

and caught between wanting to enjoy the moment,

but also having these nagging thoughts

of should I really be eating this?

I don't know if I should or I shouldn't, this is so bad,

then this episode is for you.

Just last week, a client shared with me

that she feels like she is walking this tightrope

every time she is at a social event.

It's that feeling of being drawn towards,

let's say the buffet and a voice inside

that tells you that you are going to mess it up again.

Since this is such a common problem,

today we're not just going to address

this internal conflict,

but we are also going to find ways to work through it.

So let me just give you a few examples

for situations that I'm talking about.

Let's say that you are at work

and a co-worker offers you to share a treat with her,

or maybe you are out and you're on a walk

or you drive by your favorite drive-thru

and you hear this voice that tells you, let's go eat.

Maybe you had a long day and you're watching TV,

you had dinner, you are full,

but there is something in you that tells you

that you should go have, let's say a piece of cake.

Or maybe you have already prepared a meal for yourself

with a lot of intentions,

but all of a sudden you don't feel like eating that food

and you want something else.

Or you are out with your partner

and they say, let's have dessert.

And you are not sure whether or not you want

to have another thing right now after dinner.

So our focus today is going to be two simple questions

that you can ask yourself before you eat.

And I will share these questions with you in a moment

because these questions are going to be your guide

through this maze of choices.

Because remember that our goal is to allow you

to have satisfaction with food without regret.

And again, these are questions that you can apply

whenever you are at dinner parties, date nights,

work events, vacations,

and even when you are just by yourself at home

and you feel like eating something

that you are not sure whether or not

it's the right choice for you.

A lot of times, some of the thoughts that come

with this impulse are things like,

I will start over on Monday.

Or one night of fun won't make all the difference.

Maybe for you it sounds like it's not fair

that they can have it and I can't have it.

Or something along the lines of, I deserve this.

Or it won't really matter.

Or I can't say no to whatever food is available to you.

Or that you think that you are not strong enough.

Whether one of these thoughts resonate with you

or maybe even all of them,

it all comes down to the same thing.

So for many of us, we get to making these food decisions

with some pre-mindset of excitement and apprehension.

You walk around with some kind of predictions

and thoughts about yourself and about food.

And it made me think about the famous say in theater

called Chekhov's gun.

It says that if in act one,

you have a pistol hanging on the wall,

then it must be fired in the last act.

It basically means that if an element

is planted at the beginning,

you know that it will show up later.

And that's the same with guilt.

If you are already negotiating with yourself,

day in and day out before you even left the house,

let's say, you know that it's coming back to hit you.

So this is what we're going to do.

We're going to first recognize these thoughts that you have

for what they are,

because that is the key to changing the narrative.

They can be there, your thoughts about what you can

and can do or how you normally respond to food,

but they're not going to dictate how you act.

So that's the first before part.

But what do you do when you are in that dinner party

specifically, or you're in a date night with your partner,

and now you have to make a decision

whether or not you want to eat something.

So I'm going to give you the two questions

that will help you make the decision,

and it will make it easy to make the decisions.

These two powerful questions can practically transform

your relationship with food during any situation.

The first question to ask is, is this what I really want?

It sounds super simple, but it invites you to pause,

connect with yourself and to truly consider

what it is that you want right now.

So often, especially like if we're in a big event,

the food is kind of just okay.

It's nothing special.

Is what you are about to eat really what you want?

You have two choices here.

If it's a yes, it is what you want, then go for it.

And I'm giving you the permission slip.

You can think about it.

You can think about me and know that if it is

what you want right now, you have the permission to eat.

But it may be a no.

You may ask that question and the answer may be no.

And you will be surprised, but when you get good

at only eating food that you love,

it is actually easy to say no to food that you feel,

let's say, indifference about, right?

You don't even need to hate it.

But a lot of times, we just don't really care

for what we're eating.

Then you come to the second question,

which is, is it worth it?

And this is not about assigning value based on calories.

It is more about assessing the worth of this choice

in the context of your overall day or your week.

You are trying to understand whether or not the choice

that you are about to make will bring you joy 100%,

or will it lead to feeling regret later?

You weigh this immediate pleasure

against your longer term goals and values.

By practicing these two questions, again,

the first one is, is this what I really want?

And the second one is, is it worth it?

When you practice these questions,

you start to build a deeper connection

with your food choices.

And more importantly, really, with yourself,

because it is about cultivating a relationship with food

that's based on respect and intention,

because you are in the driver's seat,

and you are not someone who checked out mentally

and don't even know what you ate or what it tasted like.

Okay?

You are going to ask these questions,

and there are a few options for you to choose from

when you decide on your answer.

So let me give you a few common ones

that you may wanna use.

So these are your options.

You ask these two questions, and then you can, number one,

decide that it is completely worth it for you,

and you are going to enjoy it,

you're going to enjoy the food,

and you're gonna move on with your day.

And I can't emphasize the importance of moving on part.

Otherwise, you're back at your old habits

of eating and feeling guilty, and eating and feeling regret.

The second option that you have,

you are going to eat something

that is aligned with your plan.

So for example, you are going to eat one treat

because you normally eat one treat a day, let's say,

and you're going to enjoy the heck out of it.

That means that you're gonna sit down,

you're gonna put your food on a plate,

and you are going to thoroughly enjoy it,

and it is still going to be aligned

with what you were planning on eating.

And the third option is you are going to decide

that eating off plan is just not worth it,

and you are going to do something else

to make yourself feel better.

And you are gonna have no drama about it.

You are not gonna tell yourself that it's not fair.

It is about making decisions, not fairness, okay?

When you do that, when you ask these questions,

and then you either decide it's a yes,

it's a maybe, or it's a completely no,

you start to build a deeper connection

with your food choices, and more importantly, again,

you build that trust with yourself.

You are going to start believing

that you are someone who can make decisions

that work for you from a place of love and respect.

So now I feel that there is one last piece

that we need to clarify here,

and that is the meaning of giving yourself permission.

What does it mean?

I know that this concept can feel very, very uncomfortable

if you are in the business of constantly saying no

to yourself all the time, which we know it doesn't work.

You can say no to yourself,

and you can say you can't have it,

but ultimately you are going to do it.

But the idea of actually intentionally

giving yourself permission to eat

can feel to so many of you too permissive,

or it makes you think that you will just go crazy

and eat all the things all the time.

So if this is you, I want you to think about it this way.

Giving yourself permission to say yes

is an act of radical self-care.

It is about saying yes to what serves you,

but this is super important,

it is also permission to say no to what doesn't serve you.

When you give yourself permission to enjoy a piece of cake

or a glass of wine or a snack,

you're doing so from a place of choice, not compulsion.

It's a conscious decision from a place of autonomy

and a commitment to honoring your needs and your desires

and letting go of things that you don't necessarily care for.

Saying no and setting that boundary for yourself

is also an act of self-respect

because you are prioritizing your long-term wellness

over a five-minute pleasure.

This is so different energetically

than telling yourself that you can't have something

because it's bad.

It's more like, no, I am choosing not to eat something

because it's not worth it for me right now.

Now, this is what it looks like.

Imagine if you're standing at a buffet,

there are lots of dishes in front of you,

lots of delicious foods, and you look at the options

and you check in with yourself and you ask,

is this really what I want?

Is it worth it?

And then with that clarity and the confidence,

I want you to make the choices that are right for you.

Whatever that choice may be,

you have made it with intention and with permission

to choose what's best for you at that moment.

You do it and you do it again and again

because this takes practice

until it becomes a second nature.

Okay, I know that it is a lot to take in.

So I'm going to quickly recap this concept.

We talked about pausing to ask yourself two questions.

Is this what I really want?

Is it worth it?

And the practice of making decisions

with intention and self-respect.

Now, when you approach your next social event

or your next weekend, I want you to see it

as an opportunity to practice mindfulness

and connecting with what you want

and make choices that honor you.

And if you find yourself facing challenges

or slipping into old patterns, that's not a problem.

The only problem is giving up.

Okay, this is what I have for you today.

Until next time, and please, please remember,

you are in control of your journey.

You're in control of your choices.

All right, take care, bye-bye.

Thank you for listening

to the Mindful Balance Podcast today.

I hope you enjoyed our conversation

and found inspiration to find your unique balance and growth.

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